Vlad stood across the building where some protest was going on. Instead of handing out pamphlets, he chose to hand out business cards. The cards were made out of the finest velum ripped from church doors. Whoever received it would find their own name, yet the business title would remain unchanged. They were unique to the cards.
They read:
“Professional Hat-Wearer”1
“Card-collector-collector”2
“Drug-enthusiast-enthusiast”3
“Life-Savior-Enhancer”4
“Burlesque-show-stopper”5
“Psychoanalyst-Analyst-Listener”6
“Confessor-Of-Bullshit”7
Unless you were bald, in which case, Vlad gave you a pamphlet with instructions on how to turn pamphlets into pirate hats P)
Unless you collected cards, in which case it showed the number of a single girl: 555-5555.
If you were a girl it would have read “Drug-doer-doer”
Unless you were already a savior, in which case, what the fuck are those people across the street complaining about?
If you were a burlesque dancer, it would have showed you the number to a physical trainer i.e. a gender re-assignment specialist.
or shortened to PAL (but hopefully not that pal who only listens to you complain about your psychoanalyst meetings. Oh, do they not talk to you anymore? I guess their therapist told them to cut you out of their life. I wonder why? Were you not being a PAL? :)
Unless you were a priest, in which case it said “Priest”